At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
