so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
