I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
