we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
