Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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