Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
