In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
