AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
