So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
