he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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