She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
