i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Alive.
So much puke
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
