Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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