quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
