i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
