when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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