Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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