I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
