Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
