Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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