I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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