I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
