i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
