I puked a lego.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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