Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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