so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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