Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
