so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
