'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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