I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
