My hand turned me down
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
