I wish I could teleport
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
