At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this will be a night to untag.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
