Im at strip club and am horny
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
