im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How does one acquire holy water?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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