Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
