You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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