yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
