I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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