The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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