Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
