what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
