i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
