Yo dont text me then not text me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
