Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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