I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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