Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
