this just has baby written all over it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
