i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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