I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
